To Catch a Tartar

Let's flashback, shall we? It was spring semester 2003—I was a high school junior at the time. Back in those days, life was much simpler. I didn't have to drive thirty minutes to school and then go to work afterwards. I just got up, went to school, and couldn't wait for 2:05PM when school let out.

There was a day in this semester—a day I remember it well—well, a few days that I remember well. Though, one day in particular, I was in Mrs. Pate's British English class—God, how I had loathed that infernal class. "Hey, let's draw Beowulf, class," said Mrs. Pate. I remember thinking, "Screw Beowulf! Screw Macbeth! Screw Shakespeare and his falderal! What I wouldn't give to be playing baseball right now. How the hell do I draw Beowulf and give him a description in words? Well, I know that I wouldn't be teaching this tripe if I we...we...were the teacher? Hmmm, why is it 'If I were' in that instance? I know it's right, but I wonder why?"

I remember raising my hand and directing her towards me so that she could take a look at that sentence, which I had written out for her on the paper meant for Beowulf's description. "What is that," I asked. "Why, that's the past subjunctive?" I remember thinking, "Bah, you are no help. Explain it to me in layman's terms so that I no...not be confused? 'Not be'? Now, I'm really lost." I then spoke my thought to her so that she could hear this "not be". Mrs. Pate then gave her usual sardonic, pie-faced reply, "That's the present subjunctive."

Here I'm thinking, "Hey, Mrs. Pate, this crap is more interesting than your freaking caricatures of Beowulf. Why don't you teach this crap?" And so began my trek into understanding it myself. I had never known the reason that it is said like this, but I quickly picked it up after looking it up in a book. "Wow, this is easy because I say it like this for the most part. I've always wondered why the subject-verb agreement had seemed nonexistent in these clauses. I should have asked in 7th grade when I had first noticed it in the verse, 'God shed his grace on thee', which is found in the song, 'America the Beautiful'!"

Well, after quickly picking this up, I went into tutoring it at the local library. I remember that it was even more foreign to them than it had been to me on the day that I first learned its terminology.

This all happened just days after my French teacher had given her dithyramb (or more like her philippic) about how she couldn't teach us French since we didn't know English. All of this because I had been the only student, all day, in any of her classes to get the difference between "who" and "whom" correct. "Oh dearest Lord, Ms. Gurnack. God forbid we not know the difference."

I remember that my friend, Jeremy Kuznicki was definitely quick to give his reproof of my answering Mme. Gurnack's question correctly: "Who the hell says 'whom'?" The leer I got was unnerving to say the least—I remember replying, "It's a word," and Kuznicki quickly turned back towards Mme. Gurnack.

While this may not be anything on grammar today, it is a story that I had wanted to share with you so now I have. I can't believe it's been six years since that day. Heaven forbid time go faster. Yeah, one can only hope that it might slow down enough so that I can catch my breath. Six years...wow! I still cannot believe it. Where has time gone? Well, I shall write again soon, but this was just a short adumbration into my life as a 17-year-old high school student. I suppose one could say that it's some food for thought. Take care, everyone.